


K'shatrisu, Ha'kel t'du wilat? Foreigner, Where is your home?

by Ardala91



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Character Development, Comfort/Angst, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Drama, Emotional Baggage, F/M, Pon Farr, Romance, Vulcan Bond, Vulcan Culture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:01:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23644267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ardala91/pseuds/Ardala91
Summary: Ensign Hawk knows two things about the Delta Quadrant: She wishes she was not there, yet somehow the sight of Ensign Vorik always makes her heart race. To make things worse, there is now a Borg on Voyager, and if there is anything Hawk hates in this universe...it is the Borg.
Relationships: Vorik (Star Trek) & Original Female Character(s), Vorik (Star Trek)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 20
Kudos: 33





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek. 

_"How we deal with death is at least as important as how we deal with life.”_

-James Kirk, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

* * *

My ancestors were some of the first colonists to settle on Mars, so perhaps it should not have been such a surprise to my parents that all four of their beloved children looked to the stars. While my oldest brother did not join Star Fleet, the rest of us did, though all of us did leave the Sol system behind. Most on this ship look to Earth as their home, but for me it is Mars. From space it looks so much different than the Earth. A small rusty planet, unlike the Earth, which appears like a bright blue gem in space. Even though I joined Star Fleet to learn about other cultures and to explore space, I do miss my home planet sometimes, especially the last three years. I know I will probably never see my home planet again, but many on this ship are determined to see the Earth again. They dream of a blue planet, yet I see a red planet in my dreams. I am bitter perhaps, but I do not think I will live to see it again, so my dreams and memories will have to do instead.

I was fresh out of the academy when I was first assigned to this ship, nervous and excited about my first assignment. There were a few others officers fresh out of the academy as well, so I was not the only one to be wet behind the ears. These last three years have been trying, and full of adventure and hardship. A few crewmembers have been lost and when we first started this voyage, I had been full with such hope and passion. The chances here to study the cultures and peoples of the Delta Quadrant, while amazing and fascinating, cannot make up for the simple fact that we are thousands of light-years away from home. I used to trust our captain explicitly, yet this newest development….with the _Borg_ …what in the hell is she thinking?

The crew is scared of the Borg naturally, as am I, but I do not know if most of them _hate_ them as I do. My second oldest brother, Jason, served in the archaeological research division on the USS Saratoga, was _killed_ by them. Hatred was almost unknown to me beforehand, dislike definitely, but never such a sweet and terrifying _hatred_ that is always there. Hidden, minute at times, but it is always there teasing me in the back of my mind. My brother was murdered the same year I entered the academy, and now with my captain's foolish and stupid alliance with the Borg….

They will betray us. They are _evil_.

I do not think we will survive this time. Our luck is running out….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have never written a fanfic for Star Trek before, so forgive me if I make any mistakes. This is a Vorik/OC pairing, since there are not enough stories out there for him! Thanks to Sensara for inspiring me try writing a Star Trek fanfic with her own awesome stories, which you can check out on Fanfiction.net (this story is also cross-posted there).
> 
> The title is in Vulcan, meaning "Foreigner, where is your home?" I am changing cannon here and there, but will generally follow the show. The situation with B'Elanna and Vorik never happened and his pon farr will happen later in Season 4. This story is starting right after the temporary alliance with the Borg and with Seven-of-Nine having just come on board. There will be mentions of previous events from the show for we are jumping into the story three years into Voyager's journey. Chapters will be much longer then this prologue. Please review and thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek. 
> 
> Note: Vulcan is in italics with "" marks. If a word is in italics in a non-dialogue sentence, it is for emphasis.

" _When one has been angry for a very long time, one gets used to it. And it becomes comfortable, like... like old leather. And finally... becomes so familiar that one can't ever remember feeling any other way."_ –Captain Jean-Luc Picard, The Wounded

* * *

"Did you hear about the drone?"

I looked up from my padd with a raised eyebrow, keeping down the nausea in my stomach that came from a potent mixture of disgust and acrimony. Maybe it was because my older brother Sean had used to pick on me to get an emotional rise out of me, but I had gotten used to keeping a calm face when need be. One of my assigned roommates, Tal Celes, had entered into our shared quarters. I currently sat in our shared common area. Non-junior grade officers and crewman shared quarters, thusly this staple shared quarters consisted of two bedrooms with two beds in each, meaning that two people were assigned to a bedroom.

There is a shared common area that has a replicator and one shared bathroom. Since these quarters were located in the hull of the ship, alas we had no portholes to look out at the stars. The Delaney twins were assigned to one bedroom, and I shared mine with Tal ever since I was first assigned to Voyager. Generally I got along fine with my three roommates, and had a good friend and roommate in Tal, though I was not her closest of friends. The one who fulfilled that honor was Billy Tefler, a science officer like myself, but specializing in the physical sciences. Tal was kind enough, but always seemed to be second guessing herself. Maybe was because she grew up on a suppressed planet? One would think her to have more backbone to have left Bajor and to be one of the few Bajorans in Star Fleet.

"Unfortunately, yes," I responded, looking back down towards my padd. Tal walked over to the replicator and ordered one of her favorite Bajoran hot teas. She then sat on the chair that was adjacent to the couch I sat on to my left. I could feel her dark eyes gazing at me as she drank her tea. She would always do this when she wanted to talk, so I decided to humor her by setting my padd down on the glass coffee table in front of me. Besides, I needed a break from my work, though talking about the drone was the last thing I wanted to gossip about.

"What do you mean 'unfortunately?"' Tal asked me curiously. I sighed.

"We are still in Borg space," I explained neutrally, which was part of my reasoning. I did not want to think about the stupid Borg or the fact that we had just narrowly escaped getting assimilated by them. Everyone knew of our captain's "alliance" with them against Species 8472. Generally I trusted and respected Captain Janeway for she has saved our butts more than once these last three years. Everyone had been afraid, and probably still was since we are in Borg space. There was a rumor flying around that one of the drones had been saved, was in sick bay, and _disconnected_ from the Borg. If the captain was being smarter, she would shove that drone out an airlock. Or I could do it for her happily I thought to myself in dark amusement.

Tal gave me a small nod in understanding and took another drink of her tea. "How was your shift?" I asked smoothly, attempting to change the topic. Tal and the Delaney twins worked in stellar cartography together. While traveling the stars is a profound experience, studying them on the other hand I found extremely boring. It is the cultures and languages amongst the stars that captured my attention, much like exoarcheology had for my brother Jason. The thought of him was pushed away, like the pulsating hatred, to the back corner of my mind.

Tal gave me the usual soft sigh that she usually did. "Alright," She admitted with a hapless shrug. "It just seems dull sometimes."

"Maybe you should transfer to engineering," I replied with a teasing smile. Lieutenant Torres, the Chief Engineer, was infamous for her Klingnon temper and Tal was rather terrified of her, or at least the idea of working under her. Tal flinched and drank her tea without comment. "I'll take your lack of words as terrified silence," I added dryly.

Tal stood up with a scowl and walked over to the replicator to dispense with her cup. "Billy and I are going to Chez Sandrine's for pool on holodeck two," She informed me as her scowl disappeared, and was replaced with her customary genial expression. "If you'd like to join us."

I gave a small shake of my head as I stood to my feet. "Thanks, but I need to finish reading these reports and finish my general survey of discourse analysis on major Delta Quadrant languages," I explained, keeping in my amusement as Tal looked at me with silent horror. She told me once that she had taken one course in exolingustics at the academy and had sworn to never go within transporter range of the subject again. "I think I'll head down to the mess hall for a change of scenery." I often did my work there for it beat staring at the very gray decorations of our shared quarters. At least there I could people watch or gaze out the windows as the stars streak on by. Tal left the quarters with a quick wave of her hand and I walked into our shared bedroom to collect several more of my padds.

There were two beds, each on opposing sides of the room with a desk at the end of each bed, nestled against the wall. Beside each bed was a simple dresser to store clothes and personable items. Both sides of the room were a grey themed identicalness, except for the several small Bajoran paintings that Tal had on her side of the room. My side of the room had an image of Mars, taken by a holo-imager from space by my oldest brother Darey. He had a passion for holophotgraphy. The picture had been blown-up from its original size to be of a decent enough size to be considered a wall-hanging, a present from my brother when I had been assigned to Voyager. The only other three things that showed any personality on my side of the room was my flute in its case, which sat on top of my dresser.

I paused when I stood in front of my desk, my gaze naturally landing on the two standing picture frames that sat on my desk. I had not wanted to look at them today, especially after hearing about the….yet somehow I could not seem to help myself. One was of my parents with my dad's arm around my mother, taken in my childhood home. The other was the last time my brothers and I had all been together, visiting Jason when he had graduated from the academy in San Francisco. Jason was in his Star Fleet uniform. Sean was already in the academy, so he was dressed in the academy uniform. Darey and I were dressed in our civilian clothing. The Golden Gate Bridge rose up behind us in the image, taken on the academy grounds, with all four of us standing in line, arms wrapped around one another. I had stood between Jason and Sean, always the little sister dwarfed by her taller brothers. Fifteen and awkward with a face and build with clinging baby-fat. The photo had been taken ten years ago, and felt a lifetime away now. That teenager had been so full of hope and passion, and even after Jason had….being sent to the other side of the galaxy by the Caretaker had sucked up what little optimism I had left.

Looking at the photo usually gave me some joy, but looking at it now was a bitter reminder of the brother I had lost seven years ago. _The Borg._ Had there ever been such an evil race before them? I paused, keeping back the sting of wetness in my eyes, as my brother's smiling face looked at me. We all had blue eyes, but only Jason and I had inherited our mother's dark blue eyes that sometimes almost resembled a deep amethyst shade. We had looked more like her then our brothers with her dark auburn hair and eye color. It was Darey and Sean who had our father's bright blue eyes and medium brown hair, though none of them were as short as my mother and I. Jason always had this aura of confidence about him that was visible even in the picture, while Darey just radiated trouble and Sean responsibility. A small breath came out of me as I looked away from the picture and picked up the padds from my desk. Usually I was not so stuck on melancholy like this, but knowing that a _Borg_ was on Voyager. It was alive, while my brother was not…the very idea of it sent waves of cold aversion all the way down to my toes.

* * *

Not surprisingly, I went to the mess hall in a rather sour mood. One of the few things that could always brighten my mood, no matter how dismal, was a cup of Vulcan spice tea. I was grateful to say the least that we had it stored in our memory banks for the replicators. The mess hall had a few crewmembers in it, but it was not its usual hubbub as it would be smack during mealtimes. The dinner period was very near the end, so that was commonplace. Neelix was standing behind the front counter with his usual cooking hat on and a flamboyantly colored outfit. He was one of the few people on board who I think who actually knew something about each crewmember other than their names. Voyager was a smaller sized crew and after three years together, everyone had gotten to know each other by name and face, if not very well. Neelix is one of those rare individuals in the universe who tries to be friends with everyone, even if he cannot possibly be close to everyone in reality. It was kind of sweet, in its own way I guess. "Ensign Hawk," Neelix called out as I walked across the mess hall. "You came just in time for the last of my Talaxian spice stew!"

….One of his dishes I actually really like. A pity I was not really hungry. "Sorry Neelix," I said with a shrug, holding up the padds in my hand. "I'm here for work and my usual tea." A look of brief disappointment flashed across his face as I walked past the counter to the replicators. His attention was swiftly focused on several crewmembers that walked into the mess hall. "Vulcan spice tea," I ordered and within seconds it materialized in the replicator. With my drink in hand, I went to settle in my customary spot located at the end of one of the longer tables in the furthest left corner from the front counter, right by one of the viewing windows. I sat at the head of the table, which gave me the perfect view of being able to look across the room or out the windows. It was also an ideal position for my back was to the wall, so no one could sneak up on me….as I had found Neelix liked to do for company if there was anyone sitting by themselves. It was a lesson I had learned from quickly.

After working several hours and another cup of Vulcan spice tea, most of the room had cleared out. I had looked across the room in pleasant surprise to see my two closest friends walking into the mess hall. Lieutenant Suzi Shimizu of operations and Ensign Adele Simmons of engineering, whom I waved over to join me after getting their drinks, following my suit. Suzi was of Eastern Asian descent and a very confident, sarcastic sort of person who was one of the few people on this ship who had a somewhat morbid sense of humor like my own. Adele on the other hand, was on the shy, sweet side like Tal was, but she had such an empathy about her. She should have been a counselor instead of an engineer if you ask me. Plus the ship could definitely use one. I did notice with some sympathy that Adele went to Neelix to order her drink instead of the replicators like Suzi, poor girl must be out of replicator rations. I empathized, especially after I noticed her drink to be Neelix's infamous "better than coffee" substitute as she walked towards me.

"Work?" Adele asked me, sitting down to my left after having walked around the table.

"The never ending quest," I replied with an ironic smile. "Someday I'm going to die underneath an avalanche of reports."

Suzi snorted as she sat down across from Adele with what looked to be a Raktajino in her hand. I could see the open amusement dancing in her dark brown eyes. "At least you find yours interesting," Suzi quipped tartly. "You ever read a diagnostics report?"

Adele and I both made a consenting noise of amusement. Over the last three years the two of them had come to be my good friends. Adele was my counselor, while we would turn to Suzi for her wisdom. She had been in Star Fleet longer then Adele and I. My attention followed Adele's gaze as I saw her noticing Ensign Vorik entering the mess hall across the room. She had mentioned her friendship with Vorik over the last few months for the two of them had started a friendship outside of engineering recently. I knew him by name and it was not that hard to recognize him, as he was one of only two Vulcans aboard Voyager. A part of me regretted not having befriending either of my Vulcan crewmembers; my Vulcan could use some practice. Unfortunately, Commander Tuvok had intimidated me when I first arrived, and not because he was Vulcan, but because he was a part of the senior staff. Hell, the idea of talking socially to any of the senior staff made me sick with nerves, even after three years. The only exception was Harry, and that was because we graduated the same year from the academy.

Another thing was…I had admired Vorik from a distance and mayhaps I did not want my fantasy image of him ruined. My dating history was not stellar for I always seemed to make a mess of things, and had not gotten past six months in any relationship. At this point in my life, I was much happier to keep my infatuations a fantasy, and not having them become a reality. My admiration of Vorik was a tiny infatuation, one that I had not told anyone about, nor was I ever going to or act upon it. He had to be engaged, if not already married, because of Vulcan marriage traditions. Maybe when I am on my death bed, all old and gray, and Vorik still looking young a few decades from now I might possibly tell him. The mental image made me smirk, before I realized in half-panic that Vorik had made eye contact with Adele and was now strolling over towards our table.

He stood several feet away from Suzi with his hands clasped together behind his back. Vorik inclined his head towards us as he looked directly at Adele. "Greetings, Ensign Simmons," He said with an emotionless tone and expression. His eyes darted towards myself and then Suzi with recognition. "Lieutenant Shimizu, Ensign Hawk," He added as if in afterthought. The sound of his voice made my heart quicken ever oh so slightly, but I brushed the feeling aside. "May I join you?" Vorik asked and if his face were to have any emotion on it, I would describe it as expectant. Perhaps he thought to be rejected since Adele was sitting with friends, or more specifically her female friends?

Adele beamed at him. "Of course!" She informed him happily and openly as was her nature. She looked over towards Suzi and I for confirmation. Suzi gave a barely noticeable shrug and myself a small dip of my head. Vorik stepped towards the replicator a few feet away to order a drink, before he sat down to the right of Suzi.

"Is your next shift soon?" Vorik asked Adele smoothly. He took a sip of his drink, which I thought to be some kind of Vulcan tea blend.

"Yes, though I swear I just got off shift," Adele said with a charming smile, hiding any irritation she might feel about that. 

"We are all working double shifts until the warp drive is back online," Vorik explained simply with no reflection on whether that bothered him either. "It is to be expected. I go back on shift myself within an hour and eighteen minutes." Vorik's dark eyes looked away from Adele to myself. One eyebrow, just barely, seemed to be raised up in bewilderment.

"Wakli ak'wikman wu-lan?" I directed towards him, causing his eyebrow to inch up a centimeter. The Universal Translator was always active in direct communication with alien ships or when we had aliens aboard, but most people in Star Fleet spoke standard usually. It was a waste of energy to constantly have it running through the ship's computer unless needed, and especially since Voyager is out in the Delta Quadrant. Adele looked at me startled from hearing me speak Vulcan, but then again she should have known. My areas of specialties included exolinguistics, so I was fluent in more than one language. Not that came into use much because of the Universal Translator, or the fact that most beings in the Federation learned to speak standard alongside their native language. Suzi merely raised an eyebrow like Vorik, albeit her's was visibly raised.

 _"You surprise me,"_ Vorik responded evenly in Vulcan. His voice was smooth to the ears, like honey or something sweet I noticed before I could shake the thought away. Of course, his statement about his surprise could be about my choice in beverage or that I was speaking Vulcan. I assumed both.

I paused momentarily before speaking. _"...I like good tea."_ I professed with my fondness for the drink audibly leaking into my tone, though there was a hint of my usual dry wit. My Vulcan was rusty and I think his next words were probably over praising of my ability. My accent was quite thick, especially after these last three years.

 _"You speak Vulcan well,"_ Vorik complemented me with a stoic expression, and his eyebrow returning to its normal place. I thought I saw a flash of appraisal in his dark eyes, yet that was probably me applying my human emotions to him. A familiar fluttering occurred in my stomach at the thought of his approval anyways.

"Lesek," I said politely, not wanting to leave Adele or Suzi out of the conversation any longer.

"I didn't know you speak Vulcan!" Adele instantly exclaimed as soon as it became apparent that my mini-conversation with Vorik was over.

Suzi attempted to snicker quietly. "One of her main fields in exolinguistics, Adele," She followed with charmed annoyance. "Honestly, sometimes…"

"It's not what she usually does on the ship, so how was I supposed to remember that?" Adele shot back annoyed, but her tone was gentle.

"Indeed," Vorik interceded, looking at me with interest. "I believe you are one of several crewmembers in the Social Sciences Division, with your position being an Exosociologist?"

"If you mean by a "division" consisting of myself and Ensign Murphy," I supplied sardonically. "Then yes, that would be correct."

Suzi had a bigger attention span then Adele it seemed. For Vorik to remember this about me was not startling because of the crew size and that he was a Vulcan. They have amazing memories compared to humans, though whether that was because of their complicated brains or memory training as children was unknown. Probably a combination of the two I would expect. "Don't forget that Murphy is your boss, so you're the lowest rank in your "division,"' Suzi piped in with a calm face. I kept myself from glaring at her. So much for friendly support, it was almost as if she…No, she could not know, right?

Adele kept back a giggle in empathy of a slightly sore topic. Three years I had been working underneath Ensign Murphy, who was the same rank as me, and yet was my superior. I did not blame him nor was he a bad person, but who needs a boss in a "division" consisting of two people? Could we not just both be equals or both be supervisors, or whatever in our little lab? Vorik watched our exchange with attentive eyes as he drank his tea. If I did not know any better, I would say he appeared entertained by my friends' teasing. I kept down an inner sigh. So much for having my first chance to show off….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wakli ak'wikman wu-lan?=What surprises you, Ensign?  
> Lesek=Thank you


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek.
> 
> Note: Vulcan is in italics with "" marks. If a word is in italics in a non-dialogue sentence, it is for emphasis.

_"Seems I've found myself on the voyage for the damned"_ –The Doctor, Time & Again

* * *

The rumors about a _Borg_ _drone_ laying on a bio-bed in sickbay varied wildly in its renditions, but it included it being in the engineering room and ending up in the brig somehow. Only two days after these rumors began, Voyager was flung thousands of light-years towards the Alpha Quadrant, shaving ten years off of our journey. Captain Janeway gave an eloquent speech over the comm to the crew, explaining Kes's departure and the addition of the _drone_ to our crew. Everyone already knew about us being out of Borg space, but the revelation of Kes's evolution to another plane of existence and the _drone's_ joining Voyager was shocking for everyone. While I had not personally been close to Kes, she had always been a kind face in sickbay or at Neelix's side before their break-up months ago. She would be missed by many, especially the senior staff and the captain whom had been close to her. Much to my relief, I heard that the _drone_ had been restricted to cargo bay 2, where the Borg alcoves remained. The _drone_ was not going to be allowed to run amok at least, so the captain had some sense remaining. She should push _it_ out an airlock or beam it into space if you ask me. My biggest relief was us being out of Borg space. If I ever saw Kes again, I would kiss her in thanks. The idea of being assimilated…is _terrifying_ …dying is a blessing in comparison. At least Jason had not become one of _them_.

Even in the midst of all these happenings, a ship had to be run, which consisted of the crew going about their duties as well. Adele was swamped working in engineering, alongside with Suzi in operations, so since our evening together in the mess hall I had not seen them much. Even Tal and the Delaney twins were now busy in stellar cartography since we had entered a new region of space. We had not encountered any new alien species, and alas the work I had been doing was now ten years behind us. It was relevant though in its own way since I would be the first, alongside Ensign Murphy, to be dissecting the information that would take Star Fleet years to study. Our research and findings would be the groundbreaking work that others would follow….I hoped. By the time we got back, I had often thought in morbid humor, Murphy and I would have a library of papers and findings waiting to be published. Not to mention, it would already be decades out of date by the time we return. Of course, much of my work was in subjects that did not change overnight, such as exolinguistics for instance.

All in all, my work was not relevant to the daily functioning of the ship unless it involved a political or cultural situation with another species. I could be called upon as a cultural expert in assistance with a political dealing or an exchange with another species. The best part was when meeting a new species and getting to work in the field, especially if it was a peaceful and mutual exchange. The information I have collected on species of the Delta Quadrant over the last three years would make my professors back at the academy green with envy, except for Professor T'suvs of Exolinguistics. He was a Vulcan, so you get the why the analogy does not apply to him.

I had always had a constant flow of work because of this, but when things were crazy on the ship in engineering or operations for example…they made my schedule look like an easy one. I did not tend to be doing work that directly impacted the running of the ship, unless it was a ship-wide emergency or were a department was understaffed due to said emergency, than I would be temporarily assigned to that department or duties as needed. It was the day after the captain's announcement to the crew that I found myself with some downtime in the evening. Unfortunately, the people I would usually spend it with were busy with their work, so I found myself in the mess hall with a beloved cup of Vulcan spice tea and two padds on hand with separate reading material on each. The first one was on the academic side, a lengthy paper about shared motifs in the mythology, folklore, and legends of a few Delta Quadrant races. I had received it through a great exchange of information with the Sikarians and this paper was written by one of their leading scholars. To this day, I was slowly plodding through the wealth of cultural information they had given us. The novel on my other padd was not exactly of the academic kind and I confess to be the kind of guilty pleasure reading I would sometimes indulge in. My own mother, a writer herself, had recommended it to me years ago, so I was at long last going to read it. It was towards the end of the dinner period, so there were was only a sparse sprinkling of people in the mess hall.

I sat at my usual spot, engrossed in the novel, with my other padd sitting forgotten on the table in front of me. My cup of tea was held up to my lips as I took a long sip, enjoying the flavor, as my eyes did not leave the padd as I continued to read. The world around me was forgotten as I found myself caught up in the rather….oh dear, now _that_ sounds interesting indeed…

"Interesting reading, Ensign Hawk?" A calm, masculine voice interrupted, causing me to glance up and immediately start choking on my tea mid-sip. Of all the people to catch me in the middle of reading _Vulcan Love Slave_ , it had to be him! I coughed for a few seconds after the tea went down my throat the wrong way, and at the same time tried to subtly set my padd down on the table with it facing downwards. Vorik's eyebrows were doing that inconspicuous eyebrow raise he seemed fond of and he appeared puzzled by my odd behavior. Being a Vulcan though, he would either point it out bluntly or choose to ignore it entirely. "Are you well, Ensign Hawk? It was not my intention to startle you," Vorik offered neutrally in the Vulcan way of apology without using any vernacular word for it. A part of me thanked Sean for always trying to get a rise out me when we were children, for now I was able to keep a straight face with no blushing. I was embarrassed as hell and hopeful that he had not been able to see any of the words on the padd.

"I'm fine," I said in an almost rasp. I took another drink of my tea to clear my throat as Vorik studied me with his unreadable dark eyes. His arching eyebrows had returned to their usual place. I noticed that he had a drink in his hand that looked to be the same Vulcan tea he had been drinking on our last encounter. There was no padd in his hands though and considering with all the work going down in engineering, he must be on a break between shifts.

"May I join you?" He asked in a detached tone, the standard goal of any Vulcan. He looked nonchalant about the whole choking ordeal that had just occurred.

I gestured with my hand to the seat to the right of me that he currently stood behind. Without any further ado, Vorik gracefully sat himself down into the chair and set his drink down on the table. I collected my other padd and set it on top of my embarrassing one, moving them to the left side of me on the table and out of Vorik's reach. He eyed my movement without any comment and took another sample of his tea. "Did you finish your shift recently?" I inquired politely.

"Approximately fifteen minutes and forty seconds ago," Vorik supplied straightaway. "I will be returning to engineering in forty-four minutes and thirty seconds."

"You got that down to the second, don't you?" I jested rhetorically.

"Of course," Vorik replied without missing a beat, missing my jibe. I could not keep the corner of my mouth from tilting up into the smallest of smirks. "Have you completed your work for the day? If I am keeping you from it…" Vorik looked over towards my padds on the table.

"Those? Oh no, just pleasure reading," I answered promptly, hoping he would not ask for their titles. I would lie through my teeth if that happened, but it would make the situation worse if he noticed said lies. To my relief, Vorik did not appear to be interested in asking or perhaps he had noticed my unease. "I'm glad to have the company," I added with a smile. Mostly it was because _his_ company, not that he knew that or ever would.

"I concur. The few other crewmen in the messhall appear busy or otherwise engaged in their social groups," Vorik remarked. Wait, did he mean he had only joined me since everyone else looked busy and I was the only one sitting alone? The previous fluttering in my stomach died at that that thought. I took another drink of my tea to quell that notion. Vorik's gaze flickered down to my cup in recognition. "You seem to favor Vulcan spice tea."

"It's been a favorite of mine since I was a teenager," I informed him with a fondness entering my voice and face, mostly at the remembrances of how it had become a favorite. "I spent several summers on Vulcan in a language learning program since I was fifteen." 

Vorik looked, if any word could be ascribed, surprised by my statement. "This is how you speak Vulcan," He observed in a decided statement.

"That and that I also studied it in school and at the academy," I contested. "The first summer I spent on Vulcan, well...my Vulcan wasn't understandable to say in the least."

"I understood you," Vorik returned with what I hoped was appraisal. It looked to be a compliment, or that is what I hoped it to be.

"Where are you from on Vulcan?" I asked curiously. 

Vorik tilted his head as if my interest in his personal life again startled him. "I was born in Raal and spent my childhood there," He relayed. I swear I could drown in his dark eyes, lose myself in them as we spoke. They were so dark, a norm for Vulcans, that it was like the blackness of space. Yet his eyes did not look like a morbid darkness to me, but a warm, intoxicating…I took another drink of my tea, bringing myself back to reality. "Do you know its location?"

"The province?" I said rhetorically. "Yeah, I went to the Fire Plains on a guided expedition there." It had been a most beautiful sight to behold on the two days expedition. I had been with other students in the language learning program and a local Vulcan guide. The Fire Plains is a large area within a triangle of active volcanoes. At least one of the volcanoes is usually erupting, causes a kaleidoscopic effect on the multicolored crystals that form there.

"A most interesting natural phenomenon," Vorik agreed. "I have been there many times myself. It is one of my preferred places to visit whenever I return home." Leave it to a Vulcan to describe beautiful, breathtaking scenery as "interesting."

"And beautiful," I bantered lightly with a grin. "Although, I wouldn't want to visit during the solar flare season." Basically if someone was stupid enough to do that, they would end up fried and burned like the first time Neelix tried to make toast.

Vorik almost struck me as being entertained by my statement. "Did you know that this is the most we have ever spoken, more than in all of our exchanges since first meeting?" Vorik questioned me abruptly. I looked back at him wondering what he meant by this. The crew of Voyager had all been introduced to each other or had met in passing in the early days. Still, it was not uncommon for many of the crew to only have exchanged salutations and not to have had a proper conversation with each other. Vorik was one amongst many people that I have only had the occasional word with or passing acknowledgement. 

"Considering that we really haven't spoken to each other except for the occasional greeting or confirmation of each other's presence…" I commented tartly. "I'd believe you."

"I find this surprising since you speak Vulcan," Vorik explained in the usual monotone. "Why did you not seek out myself or Lieutenant Tuvok to maintain your proficiency?"

Oh no, he had me there….what to say….think! I shifted about in my chair and took a very long sip of my tea. "I'm shy?" I supplied quietly in a bald-faced lie.

Vorik did that small eyebrow raise. "I find that difficult to believe based on my previous encounters with you, including our last one," He countered in what could be considered a witty jab.

I sighed softly. "This was supposed to be a short mission, so after we were thrown into the Delta Quadrant, practicing my Vulcan was the last thing on my mind." It was true in its own way. The idea had not come to me until months later.

Voriks's eyebrow raise dissipated. He had ceased to hold his drink in the last few minutes and now held his hands together in a way that is common for Vulcans. I had observed in the past that they do it out of habit and for comfort. "If you wish to practice speaking Vulcan..." Vorik started to say in Standard, before switching to a formal Vulcan phrase. "Sarlah etek dvin-tor." 

I almost gaped at him startled. He was willing to practice Vulcan with me? This was going to make the whole admiring him from afar bit difficult, but I did not want to lose my speaking ability in Vulcan. I had studied the language for too long and would not lose it because of my own stupid stubbornness. "Vu dvin dor etwel," I returned in the correct formulaic response. 

Vorik tilted his head towards me in affirmation and then stood up as gracefully as a dancer. "I must leave for my quarters and then to my shift," Vorik explained apathetically, but I secretly hoped that was disappointment I saw in his eyes, or perhaps it was mine reflecting onto his. "Will you send me your schedule, so I may compare it to my own, and perhaps schedule an appointment for once every week or two?"

I nodded, unable to articulate, as my heart race sped up so much that I thought it may burst. Vorik gave me quick nod and left without another word, leaving me all a tremble in the mess hall. All I could think about was that he had thankfully not seen what I had been reading earlier….he probably would not have made the offer if he had seen it.

* * *

The following day in the usual break between my shifts, I messaged my schedule to Vorik. Fingers crossed on this, I thought to myself, but he had become friends with Adele. I reasoned with myself I should seek his friendship as well, that way Adele would feel free to have him around Suzi and I more often. She was the considerate kind of person whom would not bring a stranger into our activities and pastimes together, unless she felt that they were genuinely welcomed.

I had gone to my quarters for sending said message and for a quick lunch, before heading back to the turbolift to head down to deck 2. This is where the labs for Planetary Development, Geologic Studies, Languages/Archaeology, and the Biologic Laboratories were located. It occurred when I was still on deck 8, strolling through the corridor in no particular rush when I saw _it_. A crewmen who worked security was trailing _it_ as they walked meters in front of me, clearly going to the same turbolift as I was. While the _drone_ no longer resembled a Borg drone as clearly, I could see the implants on _its_ face, neck, and hand. Instead of being completely covered in machinery, the _drone_ now had blond hair, clothing, and skin pigmentation that looked normal.

I had heard that _it_ had been assimilated as a child and had not wanted to become human again. Captain Jean-Luc Picard had been assimilated once and then returned back to humanity as an individual. I did not resent him for he was human again, but I could see the implants on _it_. Even looking at the way _it_ walked screamed Borg! The _drone_ would betray us to the Borg and have us all assimilated if _it_ could! My very field tells me that any being whom had been assimilated as a child would not know how to be an individual or on an adult level. They would not have their adulthood memories as Captain Jean-Luc Picard had, so it was probably impossibly for _it_ to ever become a true human again. I kept my breathing under control as I glared at the _drone's_ back. I was too close to avoid being noticed when _it_ and my fellow crewmember walked into the turbolift. Instead of making it blatantly apparent that I refused to go onto the turbolift because of _it_ , I followed in behind them, but kept my distance within the turbolift.

"Deck three," _It_ said.

"Deck two," I said coldly afterwards. _It_ looked over at me with some curiosity, but with an obvious disdain and aloofness as well. I could not stop myself from giving _it_ a seething glare when our eyes met. My blood was on fire, so much so I almost thought myself to be a Klingon in those minutes on the turbolift. I wanted to grab the phaser off of my fellow crewman and shoot the _drone_ until _it_ disintegrated as if _it_ had never been. The Borg took my brother Jason from my family, leaving behind a damaged and grieving family. My parents had never truly not gotten over his death. While I had always been closest to Sean because he had the shortest age gap to mine out of my brothers, it was Jason whom had inspired us both to join Star Fleet. Jason's death had absolutely torn Sean apart for they only had a two year age difference and were very close. People die in Star Fleet, I knew that, but I had lost Jason before I joined Star Fleet. There was a large part of me that did not care what my training told me. All my repressed grief and anger from years ago, alongside my resentment and bitterness of being in the Delta Quadrant, had found the perfect scapegoat. At the time I did not acknowledge this, but all I knew was that _it_ was a _drone_ and that I _hated_ it with every breath I took.

Needless to say, the silence in the turbolift was _very_ awkward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sarlah etek dvin-tor. = I come to serve.  
> Vu dvin dor etwel. = Your service honors us.


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek. 
> 
> Note: Vulcan is in italics with "" marks. If a word is in italics in a non-dialogue sentence, it is for emphasis.

" _Time is the fire in which we burn."_ –Dr. Soran, TNG

* * *

Much too my excitement and nerves, Ensign Vorik contacted me for our first appointment the following week. My normal schedule went on as usual with work and my other social or personal activities. I even joined Tal and Billy for pool at Chez Sandrine's on the holodeck. Normally I did not play pool, but that was because I never won. Call me a sore loser if you will. Ensign Vorik had requested to meet somewhere secluded compared to the mess hall, for concentration and privacy. Rumors spread faster than light speed on Voyager. At my suggestion, I had volunteered some of my holodeck rations, and he had agreed to meet me at holodeck two at 19:00 with a program of my choosing. His lack of protest had surprised me; it was rather adventurous for a Vulcan, considering the human he barely knew could choose a program not in the Vulcan's repertoire. Luckily for him, one of my favorites would probably be to his taste.

I arrived outside of holodeck two several minutes late, entirely to my embarrassment because I knew Vulcans to be sticklers about time. Tal had distracted me back at our quarters with a hilarious story about the Delaney twins and Ensign Bristow that had occurred during her shift earlier that day. Ensign Vorik stood straight as a rod with his arms clasped behind his back as I rushed up to him. My cheeks were flushed from a combination of hurrying down the corridor and from my embarrassment, though I had slown down to a walk before he had seen me. His stoic gaze looked me over. "You're late," He observed frigidly. "Am I to expect this in the future?"

"No, my apologies!" I rushed out, panicking that he might want to cancel our meetings. "It won't happen again."

Ensign Vorik paused and blinked, as if that single blink determined whether he believed me or not. "See that it doesn't," He responded with a blank expression. "I would prefer not to use my time needlessly." The barb stung, but I understood his irritation. Vulcans were just obsessive that way, just as Star Fleet was when it came to shifts and deadlines.

I nodded and turned towards the console. "Computer, run Hawk-Alpha1-02 program." The door of the holodeck slid open as I entered it with Ensign Vorik behind me. We entered into the Mitrios Rock Gardens of my native city on Mars. Instead of forcing Mars to look like a garden on Earth, it was stylized after various rock gardens from Earth, using Mars' native geology. The paths were clearly outlined and patterned into various intricate geometric shapes. Each section was different; some forming patterns with rocks, sand, and other areas having larger stones of varying sizes. Each section was unique and different with its own meaning. The air was thinner and hotter than Earth's in general and the sky overhead a weaker blue from a thinner atmosphere. I had figured it would remind him of Vulcan, though it did not have Vulcan's heavier gravity and hotter climate. I looked over at Ensign Vorik who now stood beside me with his hands still clasped behind his back. He seemed to be viewing the scene with a look of appreciation.

"This is the Mitrios Rock Gardens on Mars," I told him. "I thought you might enjoy it." Vorik looked back at me with the slightest touch of a frown.

" _Refrain from speaking Standard. The reason of our meeting is to practice Vulcan, is it not?"_ He reprimanded me, but his frown disappeared as he looked back towards the gardens. _"You were correct. This reminds me of the Ni'var Gardens on Vulcan."_

I smiled at him. _"The Ni'var Gardens are beautiful,"_ I agreed, _"But this is from my home."_ Ensign Vorik and I started down one of the paths at random, pausing here and there to admire a certain section, and then continuing with our promenade.

" _You are from Mars?"_ Vorik asked quietly.

" _Yes,"_ I said softly, halting to look at one of my favorite sections. _"I never cared for the climate and rain in San Francisco. I guess that's one thing we probably have in common."_ I finished with a light laugh. It was common knowledge that Vulcans disliked Earth's colder regions, which was unfortunate for them that Star Fleet Headquarters and main academy are located at San Francisco. I glanced over at Vorik to glimpse what I hoped was hidden amusement.

" _Indeed,"_ He provided as we resumed walking again.

" _Are you and Adele close?"_ I asked suddenly, wondering what on Mars they did together outside of work. I could have sworn Adele left descriptions of their meetings vague on purpose just to annoy me.

" _We are colleagues."_ Vorik supplied indifferently. _"I value her company and insight on human socialization and psychology."_

" _What do you together_ _though?"_ I pressured further, oh so curious and perhaps being too forward.

Vorik's right eyebrow raised a centimeter. _"Outside of engineering, we often meet in the mess hall or sometimes at the aft lounge for a game of 3-d chess."_ Vorik paused to inspect one of the larger rock formations, not looking towards me at all. _"Why do you ask?"_

" _She's my friend."_ I supplied in a very neutral and vague answer. My first Vulcan language teacher would have been proud I thought wryly. It was almost Vulcan in its response, except for my tendency to be _human_ in my speaking, as my old teacher had liked to put it. She always said we humans had too much emotion in our speech, especially when speaking Vulcan, as she had surmised it once. This did not seem to bother Vorik or other Vulcans who were used to being around emotional species now that I thought back on it. 

Vorik's eyebrow was no longer raised as he glanced back over at me. _"I have observed your constant companionship with Adele and Lieutenant Simmons."_ He agreed, ignoring or validating my real lack of an explanation. We continued our way down the path once more for several minutes, continuing our conversation in Vulcan about our shared friendship with Adele. Not that Vorik used that word to describe his relationship with her. We stopped at one particular section, where I explained how it was one of my favorites and its meaning. I thought my vocabulary in Vulcan was rather good, but when I could not find the word to express what I meant, Vorik supplied it to me. There were times when I had to be aware of my pronunciation and thick accent, but I had always understood Vulcan better then I spoke it. Sometimes Vorik would pause after I spoke and correct my pronunciation if it was needed. He was an amiable teacher by Vulcan standards, and especially when compared to one _very_ Vulcan language instructor I had learned from at the academy. He had not been popular with my fellow cadets to put it lightly.

" _Could we stop addressing each other by rank?"_ I asked curiously after some time had passed. I had noticed in my conversation with him about Adele that he called her by her first name and not by her rank and last name, as he had in the mess hall previously. I reasoned that to be because we had been in public and Vorik did not socialize with myself or Suzi. Adele had appeared to stop calling him by rank early on in their friendship, or at least when she had mentioned him in a conversation. Rank was good and all when on shift, or when interacting with superiors or fellow crewmembers who were not personally close; yet there was also now a certain laxness about rank on Voyager, especially in informal occasions over the last three years, or between friends when not on duty. The crew had started to become….a _family_ …

I looked at Vorik carefully to see if I had offended him. His placid expression revealed nothing. " _That_ _is agreeable."_ He stated neutrally after a long pause. _"Since we will be continuing our association on a closer basis than before."_

A small breath fled from me that I did not know I had been holding in. Hopefully Vorik did not notice….yet being a Vulcan he did. _"Vorik is your given name,"_ I continued on flustered, yet thankful that I was not blushing. _"Considering most aliens cannot pronounce Vulcan family names."_ I tacked on with a teasing, but truthful smile.

In that moment, I thought I saw the corner of his lip twitch. Most humans cannot tell when a Vulcan is being expressive at all, but after several summers on Vulcan and at the academy I had learned to sometimes see a fleeting sign of emotion from younger Vulcans. It rarely happened, but it did sometimes. They were not immune to emotions, at least not annoyance anyhow. How deep these emotions went I did not know for it was not like they talked about it openly. Yet there was an appreciation for my honest humor in his dark eyes. The kind a girl could just lose herself in…

"Hortencia," He said softly, jolting me from my extremely inappropriate and ill-timed train of thought. It sent said train crashing with the syllables of my detested first name.

"No!" I stuttered out with sudden force in Standard, causing Vorik to raise both eyebrows. _"I apologize,"_ I said quickly. _"I don't go by_ _ **that**_ _name. Please call me_ Iris. _It's my middle name."_

" _Why do you have such discomfort being addressed by your first name?"_ Vorik questioned with his eyebrows returning to their normal place. Maybe Vulcans were "agreeable" with the names their parents chose, but not all humans felt that way! Luckily I had a middle name to fall back on when I had discovered my classmates' cruelty at age five.

" _It was my father's bad idea,"_ I explained with an annoyed sigh. I had told this story more than once. _"My parents already had three children with no interest in either of their professions. They thought_ _to name me after their passions so I would hopefully follow in one of their footsteps."_

" _I do not think that is plausible."_ Vorik agreed in an almost kindly way. _"Though my people have their own traditions regarding names."_

I nodded with a small thankful grin. _"Well, it didn't work,"_ I further explained. _"My father is a horticulturist and_ _ **that**_ _name means 'gardener' in an old Earth language. My mother may have gotten it right though, she chose my middle name from a famous 20_ _th_ _century writer she loves."_ I shrugged at my next statement as I confessed in Standard. "I do enjoy reading." I slipped back into Vulcan as I added thoughtfully. " _My mother is a writer."_ Vorik seemed intrigued, or at least he did look to be bored out of his mind I decided gratefully. _"My first name is not common and I was teased as a child,"_ I went on for he still seemed perplexed by the situation.

Vorik dipped his head in confirmation. _"You prefer to be addressed as '_ Iris' _then,"_ He finished for me stoically.

" _Yes."_ I said firmly. We continued our walk in silence for about ten seconds.

" _Is '_ Iris' _not a common Earth breed of angiosperm?"_ Vorik asked as if it had just occurred to him.

Another sigh escaped me. My father had liked it for that reason and the ironic humor of it had been pointed out to me more than once. _"Yes,"_ I confirmed, glad for once for the common Vulcan obliviousness to irony.

We spoke for another thirty minutes in Vulcan, mostly talking about the commonalities and differences between Earth, Mars, and Vulcan in their geography, climates, and biomes. The discussion had started to turn towards cultural and social differences, which interested me way more obviously, but our time was cut short by reality. Vorik had a night shift and I needed to sleep for my morning shift.

* * *

To my amazement somewhat, he agreed to meet again the following week, same day and time. Alas though, the universe was against me once more. In the following week, Voyager became entangled with the whole issue with the Caatati and the failed attempt to enable our warp engines to transwarp technology. Vorik and Adele were both in engineering nonstop because of it, though I caught Adele in a quick conversation over her coffee and my Vulcan spice tea. She had explained it, not that I had understood much of it, with such excitement and zeal. I had found myself sharing her excitement until she came to the part that it was _the drone's_ idea. _It_ was working in engineering with them on the project. My exuberance at the possibility of going home had died brutally. _That thing_ in engineering did not want to help us, and I was only proven right when the project failed. While I did not say anything to Adele, she had appeared to sense my unease. Outside of the project failing, the Caatati leaving peacefully, and two senior officers narrowly escaping suffocating in space: my week had not been too crazy.

I was sitting at my desk in my shared room with Tal, attempting to concentrate on a report from Ensign Murphy. It was an overall survey from his exoarcheology report on several prominent species of the Delta Quadrant, which I was comparing to a general survey on the exosociology report I had collected on the same species. I usually enjoyed my work, even reading these sort of reports, as Suzi had pointed out before. Yet I found myself becoming distracted from the padd before me, my thoughts weaving in and out of the present. My eyes naturally drifted to the picture of myself with my brothers and to the one of my parents.

Jason would have found the Delta Quadrant fascinating since he had been an exoarcheologist. He had such a taste for adventure, having always been bold and seemingly without fear. Jason had been the first of us to join Star Fleet, paving the way for all of us to follow him to the stars. Darey had gone into space as well, but he had ended up becoming a mining supervisor on Janus VI. This had happened after he had worked for a mining company on the Kepler Belt for several years, and unlike the rest of his younger siblings he had no true desire to explore space. Even though he was the eldest of our siblings, he had only left Mars after Jason had left for the academy.

It was one thing to explore the Alpha Quadrant versus the Delta Quadrant. I had wanted to explore yes, but _in_ the Alpha Quadrant. I could still go home, be a part of Federation life, and able to keep in contact with those I loved. I was still in somewhat familiar territory in the Alpha Quadrant or even parts of the Beta Quadrant, unlike here in the Delta Quadrant, where we were all flying blindly. One thing I had realized is you did not truly appreciate what you have until it is _gone_. When I had left home and joined the academy, I had kept in touch regularly with my family and friends from home. Yet over the years the messages and calls had lessened, and now I wished I had not done so. The last time my mother had messaged me in real-time via subspace, when we were docked at Deep Space Nine...I had told her I was too busy and had cut the message short without saying _goodbye_ or that _I loved her_. The guilt hardened within me and I wished so desperately my last words to her had been different. Not the short and indifferent ones I remembered too well: "I'm busy, Mom. I'll talk to you later." Henry was very close to his parents like I had been, and I can imagine many on board now felt that way about their families since we were taken from them. One does not truly value what they have until it is gone _forever_.

Jason, and Sean included, would probably be much more positive about my experience here if they had been in my shoes. It was unhealthy perhaps, but I was always comparing myself to them. Conceivably it was sibling rivalry or the desire to please, I was not sure, but I _hoped_ my family was proud of me. Even though…they most likely think me _dead_. How were my parents? Darey and Sean? After losing Jason, and for certain they now thought me lost…they would be dead by the time we get back home, if ever. I could only wish that they lived their lives, including my brothers, and did not dwell on me as I did them. Everyone on Voyager was stuck thinking of their loved ones, and yet we all had a life to live on Voyager. In many ways I supposed, this had started to become my home and…while they were not family…all we had was each other…

…Suzi, Adele, Tal, the Delaney twins, Harry and his instrumental group…even my boss Ensign Murphy…

A beep from my intercom shook me out of my reverie, alerting me for my weekly practice with Harry. It was a thankful interruption on my part as I grabbed my flute case and headed for his quarters. Harry had put together a small instrumental group a year or so ago to practice and perform for the crew. The group consisted of seven crewmembers, myself included, but we usually only practiced together once a week. Sometimes only a few of us performed together, or practice in the case of senior officer Lieutenant Paris. Harry, Susan Nicolleti, and myself normally practiced together twice a week, outside of the weekly group session. Harry had his own quarters since he was one of the senior staff, much to the envy of every ensign on board. He was the most dedicated musician out of all of us, I will confess, though I did try to rehearse daily. When I reached his quarters, I pressed the comm button and walked in to see the familiar sight of him already playing. Harry stood in front of his music stand in his general living area, but ceased playing as I entered the room. Lucky bastard had several bay windows to look out of, I thought to myself par usual.

"Iris," Harry welcomed me.

"Where's Susan?" I asked, noticing her absence. Sometimes it would just be just Henry and I, but she usually came if she could.

"She has a double shift in engineering," Harry explained with a shrug. I nodded; Vorik and Adele were still busy making sure everything and nothing in engineering was in perfect order after the whole warp core incident. It had only been restored three days ago.

"Have you seen Lieutenant Paris since…?" I asked empathetically. I was not close to Lieutenant Paris, he had his rare practices with us, and he was a senior staff member…though I had heard a rumor he had been in prison before the mission. Harry and him had been thick as thieves since we had left Deep Space Nine three years ago. Harry and I had known each other back at the academy, and while not friends there, we had become so on Voyager.

"Yeah," Harry said with a troubled look. He was the type of individual who was easy to read like a book, but a kind and loyal person to the bone. "He seemed alright," Harry added quickly. "Just laughed it off as he always does."

I had set my flute case onto the coffee table a few feet to the left of Harry, and had been putting it together while I talked with him. "It's at times like this we need a ship counselor," I commented thoughtfully. Voyager had not been staffed with one since it was supposed to be a short mission originally. One would have been assigned to the ship afterwards.

"Whoever would be unlucky enough for that job would have their work cut out for them," Harry remarked with a humorless laugh. I laughed as well, perhaps we laughed too hard at the sad truth. Outside of the usual drama for a Star Fleet ship, we also had all the narrow escapes over the last three years, and all the homesick crew members. It was different from a usual deep space mission since we would not return to the Alpha Quadrant for _decades_ and this was not a mission any of us had signed up for. 

"A raving lunatic," I agreed dryly, yet the seed of the idea was planted. By this point, I had my own music stand setup to the left of Henry's with my flute in hand. "Which piece?" I asked, preparing to put my larger screened padd onto the music stand.

"Mouret's Rondeuu," Harry answered. "We need to work on the trills."

I nodded in agreement, looking up the piece as I set my padd onto the stand. After tuning my flute, Harry and I were off, working on Rondeuu and several other classical pieces, and a newer jazz piece that was Harry's. I had never been a fan of playing jazz music. It was one thing to listen to it, but a whole other universe to play it. Music has a way of taking one's mind away, and can either soothe or enflame the senses. It was no wonder Harry played so much. He was homesick and dealt with it in his own way, as everyone on board did.

* * *

It was some time after my session had ended with Harry that I was back in my shared quarters, flopped down onto my bed, lost reading a fictional novel on my padd. I glanced up with slight interest when the doors swooshed open as Tal walked into our room. A small grunt of acknowledgement came out of me as my attention returned to my padd. Tal had other ideas though, pulling the top part of her uniform off as she plopped down onto the edge of her bed.

"Iris!" She told me in a hurried excitement. "Did you hear the news? Did the Delaney twins tell you?" I always had Tal to thank for keeping me up to date on gossip most of the time. 

"Nope and don't care," I muttered, keeping my eyes on the padd, for I was preoccupied with the novel and mildy irked at being interrupted. 

"I just got off of duty," Tal informed me, ignoring my apparent lack of enthusiasm. "Stellar cartography is going to get a new astrometrics lab!" The last part made me lower my padd and look over at Tal, giving her a small smile in response to her own excited one. Her enthusiasm was infectious and I was happy for her. "The best part is it will use Borg technology to make it more advanced. I heard Seven of Nine is going to help design and build it even…"

My smile disappeared as I felt a cold shudder sweep through me, ending in my stomach with a feeling that resembled curdled milk. I dropped my attention back to my padd to hide away my obvious change in mood from Tal. How could she be happy about _that thing_ helping us? _It_ would betray us in the end, and how could she call _it_ by _its borg name_! "Iris, are you alright?" Tal asked nervously. She had noticed my change in mood, although I tried to hide it.

I stood up quickly, walking past her to deposit my padd onto my desk. My eyes briefly glanced at the photo of me with my brothers. "I'm fine," I muttered, lying through my teeth. I did not turn back to look at her, fearing she would see my distress and moved to leave the room, to escape our quarters, and flee somewhere….anywhere! The grey walls were closing in around me, reminding me of their bland depression that would be the rest of my life on this ship. _My family…Jason…_

…. _The_ _ **borg**_...I _hate_ them…I hate _it_ …

"I'm going to the holodeck," I said roughly, scurrying out of the room before Tal could let in another word. Really I needed to go anywhere to get away from our quarters and to take my mind away, but I did not have any scheduled time on the holodeck. I went there, hoping it would not be in use, but it was naturally when I checked. I was startled to find someone was running one of _my_ programs about Mars. Consequently, I went in to see who it was and why, though it was rude to do so and unwise of me given my current frame of mind. It was also the reason why I entered into holodeck two without pausing to think about it either.

The program running was of Olympus Mons and its breathtaking view of my homeworld's landscape. A weakly blue-tinged horizon with a red landscape, spotted with some green from plant life and blue from lakes made from terraforming. I guess I should have known it would be _him_ as he ceased in the martial art form he was practicing. His arms dropped to his sides as he stood in a relaxed posture, looking at me with what I could almost ascribe to be a look of annoyance. As for myself, I tried to keep from gaping as I saw him dressed for the first time not in uniform, but the relaxed dark colored clothing of a traditional Vulcan outfit meant for physical exercise. The pants and tunics were of a loose, light material and colored black that made the paleness of his skin contrast with its color vividly. It emphasized his dark hair and eyes, eyes that were now questioning me…

"This is my program," I said bluntly in Standard, still in upheaval from my emotional turmoil and the surprise of seeing him using my program. He had been practicing V'shan, a traditional Vulcan martial art form, that I had recognized from the stance he had been in. It was taught at the academy to all cadets for its good defensive movements in hand-to-hand combat. I briefly wondered how skilled he was in the form and had a momentary idle thought if he would be willing to teach me. Like any Star Fleet Officer, I was trained in combat, but I was no soldier and had passed those requirements at a minimal level. There was a wide room for improvement when it came to my phaser and hand-to-hand combat skills. 

"It was not restricted," Vorik replied flatly. "I also reserved holodeck two for this time." His last statement pointing out that I was barging in uninvited and unwanted.

I had the decency to look down at that, finding the red sand of my home suddenly fascinating. My thoughts were all twisted and jumbled, and my feelings were not in any better state either. Running away from one unwanted feeling had caused me to crash into another one. The combination had left me in an unsettled and disconcerted frame of mind. "Sorry," I stumbled out. "I-ah…bye." I turned to flee for the second time in a row, but halted at Vorik's command.

"Wait." I did not turn around and waited for him to speak. "You appear distressed," Vorik went on in an unvaried tone, but I thought I heard a twinge of _concern_? Vorik did not ask if I was alright and by his statement that I was not, he was waiting for my response.

I willed myself not to glance back, but my head disobeyed me. His dark eyes latched onto my own, and to my horror I knew my emotional state was like an open book on my face, even for a Vulcan. "I..." I looked back down, knowing that Vulcans hate emotional displays like this. I looked back up to see Vorik waiting patiently. "Why are you using my program?" I asked, deflecting his statement and not wanting to talk about it, especially with him. Any Vulcan would be appalled at the prospect of having to deal with a crying human, or even worse _comforting_ one.

"I was curious to see more of Mars," Vorik answered me, his eyes flashing as he knew I had avoided supplying a response. "This program was acceptable for practicing V'shan as well." I nodded as if this was a normal moment and I had been invited by him into my program. Vorik almost seemed to hesitate, letting out a barely audible sigh. "Would you like to join me?"

Anything not to think, I thought, and I was grateful. "I'm sorry," I mumbled out. "Is…yes, please." I finished, trying to keep my voice calm.

Vorik nodded and gestured for me to come stand beside him. "Are you familiar with the first form?" He asked me straightforwardly and all business. "All cadets are taught it at the academy, so I assume you retain some knowledge of it."

I nodded and put myself into the first form, imitating him. Vorik eyed my posture. "Raise your arm," He instructed me coldly. After I followed his order, he nodded and went into the next form. Though I had interrupted him, Vorik had welcomed me to stay in his own way and practice V'shan with him. It helped to get away from my troubled thoughts, and yet it did not help by bringing forth other ones of an entirely different nature.


	5. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek. 
> 
> Note: Vulcan is in italics with "" marks. If a word is in italics in a non-dialogue sentence, it is for emphasis.

Tom Paris _: Well, Harry and I wanted to explore the station. We wanted to broaden our understanding of alien cultures and…_

Captain Janeway _: Skip the recruiting speech, you were looking for a bar._ -VOY, Episode _Survival Instinct_

" _I wish it were as easy to stop hating as it was to start._ " -VOY, Chakotay, Episode _Revulsion_

* * *

It was on these sorts of occasions that the crew was able to kick back and relax, including the joy of drinking synthehol without the detrimental effects of alcohol. A week after I had stumbled into Vorik on the holodeck was the promotion ceremony for senior officer Lieutenant Tuvok to Lieutenant-Commander, and this was even after Commander Chakotay's incident with the Vori and Kradin several days before. One thing that I had learned from my time on Voyager and with us being stuck alone in the Delta Quadrant was to live in the moment, even during difficult times, and to not let those hard times keep us from doing so. Sometimes it needed to be done just to spite those times, such as celebrating, for it brought everyone on Voyager together and gave us the strength to persevere through anything together.

Many on board were quite envious of Tuvok's promotion, and yet understanding of the reason for why most of us had not received any promotions in the last three years. There can only be so many senior staff members on board and if we were back in the Delta Quadrant, I would have received a promotion after three years as an ensign. This was unlikely to ever happen now. No one wants to say it, but a promotion here usually means it is because someone has died, leaving an opening. Obviously, this is not the way it is done back in the Alpha Quadrant, but we are the only crew on Voyager, so positions and ranks are limited. If I were back in the Alpha Quadrant, I probably would have received a promotion and a transfer within a year or two from now. I wondered where my brother Sean was now stationed for it had probably changed. When I had accepted my assignment for Voyager, he had been posted as a conn officer on the USS Yorktown and had been expecting a transfer.

After I had practiced V'shan with Vorik and my troubled state had been eased, we had parted ways amicably enough and without Vorik pressuring me about my emotional state. The prospect of trying to comfort me or to talk to me about my emotions was probably a horrifying scenario for him, and I was thankful he did not try to do so. Many of the crew, myself included, had become experts at pushing our issues to the back of our minds and _not_ dealing with our emotions. It is not healthy, but we were all stuck on the same ship metaphorically and literally speaking. Since we were without a ship counselor, it was the preferred method by many to handle things, albeit we did have Neelix as the self-appointed "morale officer.” The following week was a busy one for everyone and I did not hear a word from Vorik. I kept to my shifts that following week and what little downtime I had was spent resting in my quarters and _not_ hiding. It left me thinking our brief language sessions were now a thing of the past.

Earlier today prior to the promotion ceremony, I was in my quarters after having just finished my shift. The beeping from my desk computer had surprised me, especially when I saw who was calling me. Thankfully, I had not started to change yet, so I was still in my uniform when I sat down at my desk to respond to the call. Vorik's impassive face came on the screen as it flickered to life. He was sitting at his own desk, which I presumed were in shared quarters like my own. The wall behind him was the same bland grey coloring as my own and I thought I saw the corner of a painting, but I could not see much else of the room. "Vorik," I said stunned. I had thought he might not want to see me again after what had occurred, but here he was showing me how wrong I could be once more.

"Iris," He greeted me. His hands were in that steeple hold many Vulcans like to do when being casual. I suppose one could describe it as a hold they do out of habit and for comfort. He sat straight with his elbows resting on the armchairs, though he looked relaxed by Vulcan norms. I looked at him impatiently and with open curiosity, but his bland expression revealed nothing. “Will you be attending Lieutenant Tuvok's promotion ceremony?" He asked after a moment, getting straight to the point. Leave it to a Vulcan to come right out and say it, which was something I generally appreciated, especially now when I was dying to know what he wanted.

I nodded as I spoke. "Yes, I think half the ship is going," I claimed in jest with a small grin. "No one wants to miss out on the free syntheol." It was natural that many would be joining the festivities since we all needed it when such events occurred and there being said synthneol at such events did not hurt the attendance rates either.

“Is anyone accompanying you to the ceremony?” Vorik asked next, seemingly untouched by my somewhat weak joke. His dark eyes were staring me down, taking in my every facial twitch that did make me squirm a little in discomfort.

His question also flew over my head as I responded with a shrug. "Adele and Suzi will still be on shift. I suppose I might go with my roommates."

"You have not made a plan to go with them yet?" Vorik questioned me after his hands settled onto his armchairs and he seemed to straighten a little.

"No," I answered, eyeing him curiously and not letting my thinking get too hopeful. He could not be….right? This was considering what had happened yesterday, though the whole time I had been on the holodeck with him I had barely spoken once I started to practice V'shan with him. We had not really talked to each other than his stern directions and corrections.

Vorik almost looked _nervous_ as he spoke next without any inflection. "It is human custom to participate in such events in the company of others, and since we are developing a non-professional affiliation…." Vorik paused and quickly went on without looking away from me. He was still examining my every facial expression, which I knew to be showing my astonishment. Again, I was thankful for my brother's teasing as a child for I was able to keep my excitement and my tingling nerves hidden away. "Adele informed me you would most likely be going alone, therefore I presume that an invitation to go together would be welcomed."

My stomach fluttered and I felt a tingling thrill sweep though my body. I was able to keep my jaw from dropping open and instead I smiled at Vorik to hide my nerves. This cannot be a Vulcan version of asking me on a date, I thought, it had to be keeping each other’s company as friends. This was not the way Vorik would describe it, but it was clear that he did not want to go alone. His usual companions were most likely on shift as it was the same case for me. This had to be why he was asking me, but a small part of me reminded myself that he could have gone alone or run into me at the ceremony. He was asking to go with me because he _wanted_ to spend time with me. Naturally I shoved these silly notions aside for I was overreading it and should be thankful he was still speaking to me after yesterday. My unneeded infatuation was not going to change things or ever be anything more. "I…ah…yes," I stumbled out as I kept smiling. I probably sounded like a lovesick teenager and with that thought, my smile disappeared.

Vorik almost looked as pleased as my family cat had when she had managed to catch a small rodent. The comparison only made me apprehensive at that. "Is that a confirmation?" He pressed stoically and his dark eyes were intently on mine. I nodded dumbly, trying not to get lost into his dark eyes, while lamenting that I really needed to stop reading romance novels. "I will come to your quarters at 18:00, so we may proceed together to the mess hall," Vorik informed me with a tilt of his head. "Are these parameters agreeable?"

"Yes," I let out with a small breath. The shock was holding me in its grasp still, alongside my inner jubilant lovesick teenager. Vorik gave me a small nod and then the computer screen went blank.

I sat there dumbly.

This was a social interaction as friends, as colleagues, I told myself sternly. Vorik was engaged or married to someone back in the Alpha Quadrant, yet a small naughty voice reminded me of the fact that we were thousands of light years away from the Alpha Quadrant. Many crew members who _were_ married were now starting to look elsewhere because by the time we get home, said spouses will most likely have remarried and have become grandparents and great-grandparents. The majority of Voyager’s crew compliment are humans and since it would take decades to reach home, we would all be old by then. It would be quite _logical_ for Vorik to do the same and for his fiancée or wife as well. I tried to keep my mind from thinking this way for I should not get my hopes up for the impossible, and there was the unhelpful fact that I had managed to destroy most of my romantic relationships in the past.

Plus, it was not like Vulcans dated, and even if they did it would be with seriousness of it being for life, marriage included, mindset. Did I even want to get myself into something like that or even worse, would I mess it up as I usually did? This was one of the main reasons I had avoided getting into a romantic relationship the last three years. Voyager was not a large ship and having an ex-boyfriend on board could be awkward, especially if it ended badly. This was even worse than usual because in the Alpha Quadrant you could be reassigned or would eventually be, but with Voyager you would be stuck with them on the same ship for the rest of your life.

There was also the delightful fact that the whole crew _knows_ the dating scene on board. If a crewmember does date, they either must very discreet or not care that everyone knows about it. Gossip was an integral part of any long-term assignment ships, yet it was a bigger deal than normal on Voyager since there was no news from home. No one had caught my interest either, except for one individual, and it had worked well for me as a distant daydream. It was a good thing I had not been involved with anyone when I had been assigned to Voyager because it would have just been one more person and relationship for me to lament over after we had ended up in the Delta Quadrant. Still, I could not deny that I was lonely at times and knew that most of the crew would eventually start to pair off. Who wants to be alone? I knew that I did not want to be and that it would probably happen eventually, but my lack of romantic interest in most of my fellow crewmembers was rather detrimental for future prospects.

As a teenager, I had been focused on my studies and related activities, which was the reality of anyone who hoped to be accepted into Star Fleet Academy. It did not leave much room for dating and growing up with three older brothers had not helped either. So other than some flirtation and infatuations, I had not truly dated until I had entered the academy. I had gone on a few dates and experienced casual dating, but I did not enter my first relationship until my second year at the academy. Prior to this, I had blamed my commitment to the academy and my studies keeping me from developing any meaningful romantic relationships. Yet even I recognized that as an excuse to keep myself from entering one. My brother Jason had been close to becoming engaged to his girlfriend prior to his death, a lovely civilian named June. My brothers and I had teased them for both of their names starting with the same letter. Darey had once asked Jason in jest if he and June would name their future children thusly. Jason had smirked in response, which had led to Darey’s joyous questioning if they planned to be married, and Jason’s continued smirk had been its own confirmation. June was a historian professor at a university in Britain, her ancestral home, and I had always wondered if she would have followed Jason into space if they had gotten married. She was not used to space travel and had never left Earth's solar system. We had become close after they had dated for several years, but after Jason's death…I think being around my family was difficult for her.

Over time, she had become more distant until communication was rare. Jason's death had been extremely hard for her, perhaps because she did not have the mindset and mentality that came with being in Star Fleet. Even though I was a teenager at the time, I knew the risks since I wanted to join Star Fleet myself in the future. His death had been the hardest on my parents and her because of this, I think. If I am being honest with myself, I realize that this may be why I prevented myself from forming a serious relationship with anyone. I had seen what it had done to June and knew that being in Star Fleet came with risks. What if I had dated someone in Star Fleet who I could lose due to these same risks, or even worse a civilian and I caused them to go through what June experienced? My romantic relationship my second year and into my third year had ended when it had started to become serious because of my own denied fears. I had ended it because of my own selfish needs and denials that to this day I sometimes regretted. I wondered what Barim had felt or thought when he had found out that Voyager was missing. Had he mourned my loss, been indifferent, or did he resent me still? He was the only one I had been in an actual relationship with before that had not only been a few dates or lasting for a brief period. Vorik was not looking for a romantic relationship, which was a safe bubble for me. Someday I would want a romantic partner on Voyager if we did not get all blown up by then, but that was a bridge I figured I would burn when I was ready for it. For now, I supposed I was content enough as one can be in this situation.

* * *

When Vorik arrived at my quarters at 18:00, I had answered the comm with the door sliding open to see him dressed in his uniform with his usual unreadable expression. I was also dressed in uniform, albeit mine was marked with blue since I am a science officer, unlike the gold on Vorik’s uniform. Tal and the Delaney twins had already left prior to Vorik's arrival and had been shooting me curious glances and questioning me on why I was not coming with them. I had shrugged their questions off and had simply stated that I was going with another friend and would see them there. Vorik and I exchanged our greetings in Vulcan and had proceeded to the mess hall in an amiable calm with a hint of awkwardness. Vulcans are comfortable with prolonged silence and I suspected that neither of us were willing what had happened at our last meeting. I was more than happy to oblige that unspoken agreement.

We arrived at the mess hall with the celebration having just started. Many crewmembers were already present, excluding those on duty of course. Others were trickling in behind us and I spotted the senior staff members all present and socializing with one another. It was with relief that I observed that the _borg_ was not present and I hoped that _it_ would not attend such future gatherings.

I spotted Tal chatting with Ensign Tefler, aka Billy. The Delaney twins were standing together and looked to be flirting with several male crewmembers who were currently single. Neelix had the counter by the kitchen packed with food and crew members were getting drinks from the replicators. Vorik and I both returned salutations with individuals we knew as we entered the room. After we had a moment to ourselves and were standing next to each other, Vorik looked towards me with his head inclined and his hands clasped behind his back. "Do you require a beverage?" He asked politely.

"I was just thinking that," I mused with a smile. "You don't have-"

"What kind of beverage do you prefer?" Vorik queried in a swift candid manner. "I know your preference for Vulcan spiced tea but expected beverages for social events like these are usually syntheol or of a similar nature."

I laughed at that. "You know us humans too well," I teased him in mischievous gloating. "Syntheol please." Vorik nodded and gravitated off towards the replicators.

A fellow science officer who was near me closed the gap between us to converse. Lieutenant Wildman was a xenobiologist, so she worked the biology lab, but we had become friends over the last three years through our work. While we were not particularly close, we often socialized at events like these and had collaborated on several projects previously. She was also infamous for being the only mother thus far on Voyager with her young daughter Naomi, who was half-human and half-Ktarian.

I felt for Wildman since her husband was back in the Alpha Quadrant and did not even know of their daughter's existence, but Naomi did have a large family through Voyager and a dedicated godfather in Neelix. Samantha Wildman was a kind and forthright woman whom I generally enjoyed talking with and is an expert in her field. "Iris," She addressed me with a smile. I idly noted that she already had a glass of syntheol in her hand. All the crewmembers present looked to be heading directly for the drinks first and foremost.

"Hi Samatha," I replied with a beaming expression. "Enjoying the party?"

"Yes, but I can't stay for long," Samantha admitted with a shrug. "I’ve already been here for awhile and Ensign Golwat will only babysit Naomi for so long since she wants to attend as well." Golwat was a friend of Samantha's since they both worked in the life sciences division, though I did wonder as to why she would have a Bolian babysitting a half-human. Did Golwat have any experience with human children? The thought must have shown on my face. "Don't look so worried, Iris," Wildman berated me with a teasing look. "Golwat knows what she got herself into."

"So, she's aware of all the extra liquids and strange smells that come from children at Naomi's age?" I asked with a straight face.

Samantha chortled and then her face became a look of curiosity as her gaze looked towards Vorik with a conspiring eye. He stood with his back to us from across the room, waiting patiently in line to order from the replicator. "So, what's going on with you and Vorik?" She questioned me with her volume dropping several tones and her attention back on me. I instantly felt that the conversation was becoming an interrogation, not that Wildman was not the forceful or gossiping type. This was me reacting in sensitive paranoia about ship gossip for Wildman was merely being an inquisitive friend and admittedly participating in ship gossip. All the crewmembers did to some point or another, which was the nature of being on a ship together and one with a smaller crew size.

"We are friends," I told her to quash any rumors of a different kind from going around. Did people not know Vulcans usually have arranged marriages from the time they are children? I suppose it is more entertaining to think there are other _things_ going on beyond friendship, which made me recall people gossiping about Adele and Vorik in the beginning of their friendship. It made me wonder if Vorik was aware of ship gossip. He probably was not, I thought wryly, for he would have been shut up in quarters if he had been and avoiding people like they had a communicable disease. From what I knew about Vulcans and had observed, they did not care for gossip. Wildman moved on without a second thought and started to describe her latest project with open excitement. Vorik returned several minutes later with a glass of syntheol in each hand I noticed bewildered.

Samantha ceased mid-sentence as Vorik joined us with him to the left of me and Samantha to my right. "Hello Ensign Vorik," She said politely. They did not know each other well from what I knew.

"Lieutenant Wildman," Vorik intoned in a neutral expression. His dark eyes darted between the two of us. "Excuse me for interrupting. I have retrieved the syntheol," Vorik declared as he carefully handed me the drink from his right hand without touching me.

I gave him a grateful smile. "Thank you," I said happily after taking a quick sip. "Samantha was just telling me about her research project on the-"

The familiar beeping sound from Samantha's comm interrupted me and Samantha immediately pressed her badge. Golwat's voice projected from it. "Wildman, where are you? You were supposed to be here five minutes ago."

Samantha gave us an apologetic look as she responded. "Sorry, Golwat. I'm on my way." She raised her glass to us and downed the rest of her drink. "Another time," She told us regretfully. "Duty calls." Samantha walked away to get rid of her glass and leave the mess hall, leaving Vorik and I alone once more.

Vorik was inspecting me almost as if he were in an internal debate about asking me something. "You had a surprised expression when I returned," He stated matter-of-factly. "Why?"

"Your drink is synthehol," I replied simply. "Not something Vulcans usually drink."

"This is a social event and it is the normal drink for such an event," Vorik defended himself oh so logically. "It is acceptable for me to partake on such occasions and to gain new experiences from participating with our fellow crewmembers. I am not on Vulcan."

I snorted, causing Vorik to raise his right eyebrow a centimeter. "Relax Vorik," I bantered with a poor attempt at keeping my face serious. "I won't tell the Vulcan High Command on you."

Vorik opened his mouth to reply as Neelix called out to everyone to take their seats. Not everyone was able to take a seat though since there was not enough seating and lingered instead at the edge. The senior staff members were to sit at the long table in the left corner of the mess hall, which is where my usual spot was, I noticed with a vague annoyance. Vorik and I remained standing as we had been unable to procure the seats that had been claimed earlier by our apparently smarter colleagues. The formal part of the celebration was to begin with toasts and stories from crewmembers who were brave or close enough to Lieutenant Tuvok and then the actual promotion itself. Some of the stories were serious and others hilarious, especially the ones from Lieutenant Paris and Harry. Most of the stories and toasts came from the senior staff members and the formal part of the ceremony ended with the now Lieutenant-Commander's serious speech. It was difficult to tell if the humor it in it had been on purpose or not.

The event returned to the informal socializing that it had been before. Many of the crew returned to standing to waft around the mess hall to interact with various crew members. The rest of the party passed in a pleasant manner for myself and I had been somewhat taken aback that Vorik barely left my side. He talked with other crew members as we had various group discussions, but I had thought he might leave me to talk with others during the event. I chalked it up to the formality of Vulcans and perhaps him mistakenly believing that attending an event together when it came to human custom meant being attached at the hip. It was only towards the end of the celebration that something sour occurred for me.

Harry had been standing several feet from me, talking to Commander Chakotay after having just finished a discussion with me about our last music practice. My back was to them and Vorik stood to my right with his attention on Ensign Ballard as they conversed about the latest project in engineering. I had been able to follow at first, but eventually their technical jargon and knowledge left me behind. As any member of Star Fleet did, I had a working knowledge of warp and basic engineering training in case of emergencies, but I was no engineer. It was a field that I had no interest in and the required core courses for engineering at the academy had bored me to tears.

Therefore, my ears perked up when I heard Commander Chakotay behind me mention the new modifications for the astrometrics lab. Tal had already told me about it and the Delaney twins had excitedly mentioned it to me today since all three of them work in astrometrics, although Tal did not share the passion the twins had for their field. It should not have surprised me that Harry did not know about it yet since it was outside his department. A feeling of revulsion slithered through me as I heard the Commander inform Harry that the _borg_ would be working with him on the modifications and that he was to make _it_ feel like one of the crew. Harry's response, though clearly one of apprehension, was still one of agreement that made me want to take his beloved clarinet and hit him with it until some sense was knocked into his thick skull. Of course, he had to accept a command from a superior officer, yet that did not mean he needed to sound _okay_ with it. He should be sounding furious or disgusted or _something_ in his response. How could the Captain let that _thing_ still be on board? We were all in danger and Harry especially since he was going to be working around _it_!

The revolted feeling twisted and turned in my stomach and I could feel my grip tightening on the slim stem of my wine glass. The room seemed to spin around me until I heard Vorik speaking to me. "Sorry, what?" I asked quietly, lifting my head up to look at Vorik's searching eyes. Ensign Ballard had finished speaking with Vorik apparently and I now found him studying me with what resembled concern.

"I inquired of your well-being," Vorik said slowly as if he thought I would not understand.

The vehemence and anger swirled with me and I felt sick at the thought of Henry happily working with that _thing_. "I…I need to go," I stuttered out as I quickly set my half-full glass on a nearby table. Vorik raised his left hand as if he were going to reach out to touch me, but instead dropped it back down to his side as I hurriedly moved past him to escape the mess hall.

* * *

Once I was out in the corridor and had gotten around the corner to not be visible from the mess hall’s entrance, I leaned up against the wall and took deep breaths. My eyes were closed as I concentrated on my breathing to get in control of my whirlwind of turbulent emotions. I jumped startled with my eyes snapping open at the sound of Vorik’s familiar voice. Damn his Vulcan grace, I thought grimly. I had not even heard his approach. "Iris, are you ill? Do you need my assistance to escort you to Sickbay?"

"I could use a real alcoholic drink," I commented with a miserable laugh that almost caught in my throat. The idea of getting shitty drunk somehow now had a strange appeal. Vorik looked at me with a frown and seemed to be considering my emotional state as if it were an alien puzzle. "I do not think that would be wise," Vorik ascertained analytically with his dark eyes boring into me.

"It might make me feel better," I remarked caustically. "Or worse," I added with a harsh laugh. Vorik's eyebrows went up into an unnoticeable raise before scrunching back into a small frown. "Humans are crazy emotional beings," I went on in a cutting tone, meaning to drive him away and leave me in my dejected state. "Why bother with something you can't understand?"

Vorik's frown disappeared as he scrutinized me. "Vulcans have superior hearing, as you may know," He replied calmly, indifferent to my abrasive words. "I could hear many of the conversations going on in the mess hall, yet your hearing is limited. Therefore, there is only conversation that you could have heard within your auditory range." Vorik paused as I felt the blood somehow leave my face and become enflamed at the same time. I wanted to brush past him to run away and never look back. Somehow, I knew that if I tried to flee, Vorik would stop me. His reflexes were faster than mine and even though he appeared relaxed with his arms calmly at his sides, I knew he would be able to tell the micro-second my muscles would tighten up in preparation to move. Instead I looked away and glared down at the carpet of the corridor. “Is it the borg drone that has you in your current emotional state?" Vorik asked in a tone that resembled a demand. "Was this what had you in a similar state yesterday when you came to me at holodeck two?”

I opened my mouth, half-wanting to deny it and contradictorily wanting to tell the truth. The irony of the situation did not escape me either. It was a Vulcan who was the first to truly notice my emotional state about _it_ and none of my friends or peers who are members of emotional races. My reaction was one that was typical of me when it comes to the fight-flight-freeze stimuli.

I chose to flee.

Vorik stood in front of me with gaps on either side of him, and I chose the left as I quickly tried to dart past him. His right hand shot out in a blurred motion, clasping my right shoulder in a tight, but gentle grip. My natural response was now fight as my hands went to shove his hand off my shoulder and to duck down at the same time in preparation to scurry away. Yet when my hands touched his, I felt an electric shock go zinging through me that caused me to standstill. A small part of me berated myself for knowing better for Vulcans are _touch telepaths_. Many beings do not always know this, but I had after having visited Vulcan in the past.

I could feel a strange sensation of emotions that were _not_ mine. It was a logical and calculated order, and despite its attempt otherwise, there were repressed emotions there with _concern_ singing out the loudest. Yet there were others calling out softly behind the loudest song, those that could only be described as the beginnings of _affection_ mingled and intertwining with a _deep yearning_ that went further than any human could feel. On the edges of it all, for it was the most repressed, was a dark void. It was a shroud that was entirely _alien_ and unrecognizable that caused me to hastily let go of his hand with a sharp gasp.

Vorik's dark eyes were trained on my own like an expert marksman and I immediately knew he had felt some of my emotions. I do not know if he saw anything or had felt more of mine than I had his, for my interlude into his emotions had been a brief and partial glimpse. There was a limitless depth there and I knew I had seen the barest edge of a vast book. It was one that you would plunge into with trepidation in the hope it would not devour you in the process. As soon as I let go of his hand, Vorik released my shoulder as I took a step back from him, trembling as I did so. His dark eyes were unreadable, not giving a hint to the emotions that I now knew existed underneath his cold exterior. My anger from earlier existed in conjunction with my newfound state of shock.

We stared at one another for what seemed a second and hours. Vorik opened his mouth to speak and snapped it quickly shut as Lieutenant Torres came barreling around the corner at top speed. A part of me idly noticed that it looked like she was fleeing a scene as well, not that I would ever be stupid enough to say that to her. She was glancing behind herself as she came around the corner and almost ran straight into us. "Ensign Vorik," She said startled as she looked at the two of us curiously.

Vorik tore his eyes away from me and looked at Lieutenant Torres calmly. "Lieutenant Torres," He acknowledged with true Vulcan indifference. "Did you enjoy the celebration?"

"Ah-yes," Lieutenant Torres replied hurriedly, eyeing us both inquiringly. I hoped this would not become tomorrow's gossip. "I'll see you at your next shift." She continued, becoming all serious as she prepared to leave. “Ensigns.” She walked away with hurried steps that I half-observed to not be because of us. Even though Torres was terrifying sometimes, I almost wanted to beg her to stay. The notion and temptation for it quickly disappeared as she exited down the corridor.

My attention went back towards Vorik who was now observing me with some debate sweeping through him, though his face was as indifferent as ever. "This is not a proper place for this discussion," He remarked as if this was a normal everyday occurrence. "We should relocate." Vorik extended his right arm out, gesturing for me to begin walking down the corridor. I did so with him silently falling into step beside me. I wondered if that had been a request or a demand, and debated on leaving for he could not pull rank on me since we are both ensigns. Something told me, the same feeling that I had before trying to flee, that it was not a good idea and would be a futile attempt.

Damn.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Emotion Can Be A Powerful Thing](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24615976) by [GrapeEscape](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrapeEscape/pseuds/GrapeEscape)




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